The Goddamn Queen of France

Eww!

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:59:01 GMT

Yahoo News has the funniest headline I've seen in a long time today:

"Mongolia turns to horse meat amid H1N1 vaccine delay"

...So apparently, the entire nation of Mongolia has turned into a pile of horsemeat.

spiderama!

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 22:30:16 GMT

It's orb weaver season again. I love these guys! I don't like walking through their webs with my face, but I love seeing them.

Some years, there's a sort of population boom and you might see 10 or 12 large webs in just one garden. This year, I'm seeing fewer of the spiders, but the ones I've seen have been enormous! I've seen about five in the last week whose leg span exceeded three inches. Sometimes I wonder if they're about to devour a car...

BTW, I finally got a new phone! Now I'm not cut off from the world anymore.

I lost about half of myt phonebook when the old phone got fried, so I may not have your number anymore. If you think I should have your number, please email it to me at abracadaverous@yahoo.com with the subject "My Number". Thanks!

Holy SHIT!!!

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:00:30 GMT

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/09/23/BACP19R4MA.DTL

I KNEW there was a reason I thought their chicken was scary. Just one more reason to cook my own damn meals...

Baby's first Gray Hair! Woohoo!!!

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:36:26 GMT

Hey, guess what? A couple of months ago, I found my first gray hair!!! I'm so happy! I love gray, it's one of my favorite colors (especially in combination with purple). It's in my right eyebrow.

I've always figured that when I found my first gray hair, I would stop dyeing my hair crazy colors. But I never dye my eyebrows, since my eyes are bad enough as it is. So I'll keep dyeing my head hair whatever damn color I want, but I'll never pluck that one beautiful long gray hair over my right eye. It'll fall out eventually, as all hairs do, but it'll also grow back again, as most hairs do.

In the meantime, I'm working hard to perfect the nuances one can bring with one lovely and facile eyebrow.

Hey baby, how'd ya' like to hang out with a broad who knows how to use her eyebrows in a salacious way?

Hola, me llamo...

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:35:42 GMT

Last night, I dreamed that my name had been legally changed to "Aaaaaaaarrgh!" It said that on my ID card and everything!

I'm telling everyone this because it was so funny that I laughed myself awake.

I joineded the pwarty!

Wed, 27 May 2009 20:28:50 GMT

I'm musicalmaura on Twitter.

Maybe you can help me understand?

Wed, 27 May 2009 18:59:54 GMT

I'm having a hard time understanding all this political commotion about same-sex marriage.

Can anyone explain to me just what heterosexual married couples are afraid of losing?

where absinthe really comes from

Mon, 04 May 2009 22:41:10 GMT

Some of you may have heard of this thing, but it bears mentioning.

Every year there's a competition called Roboexotica in which people make robots whose funtion is to serve alcoholic beverages. Some of them are more funtional, while others are pure form. My favorite is the following:

Le Pressoir de la Fée (aka The Fairy Smasher)

This robot has a little glowing green fairy inside that talks to you. When it's started up, the compartment holding the fairy is slowly compacted, as the fairy panics. "I don't like this! Help!" Finally, the fairy is squished with a bloodcurdling scream, and a shot of absinthe is poured into a glass for your licoricey enjoyment.

In case you were wondering, the concert last night was awesome! Everything went smoothly, and the music was as good as we'd ever sung it. My solo at the top of the show got a lot of compliments from a lot of people. 8) Sometimes life reminds me that I really am good at this singing thing, and I'm not wrong to be pursuing it as a profession.

Upcoming Concert!

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 22:22:07 GMT

(Hey, y'all: I've got a solo in this concert!)

Faces of Femininity: Images of Women in Story and Song

Sunday, May 3, 2009, 7:30 p.m.
Alumnae Chorus • Susan McMane, Conductor • Susan Soehner, Piano
Martie McMane, Storyteller

St. Mark’s Lutheran Church
1111 O’Farrell St.
San Francisco

Images of women as Divine One, Crusader, Sorceress, Lover and Wise Woman come to life through song and story. Hear the Alumnae Chorus present many “Faces of Femininity” singing compositions from diverse traditions in conjunction with professional storytelling. The program features music by Holst, Verdi, Mendelssohn, Szymko, Larsen and more.

Now in its second season, the Alumnae Chorus provides Bay Area audiences with the highest caliber of women’s vocal music. The ensemble comprises graduates of the world renowned San Francisco Girls Chorus and Chorus School.

Tickets: $20/$15 (for students and groups of 10 or more) General Admission.
City Box Office 415-392-4400 or www.cityboxoffice.com
Limited parking available in front of the church.

Coolcreepymonsterness frm Holland!

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 17:51:39 GMT

I saw this film on ImageMakers a few weeks ago and it's been haunting my dreams ever since. Check it out!

nosh, nosh, nosh

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:05:30 GMT

I just started riding the shark last night, and I was craving chocolate in an uncharacteristically intense way. But I didn't have any chocolate in the house, nor did I have any money to go buy some. So I found some cocoa powder and made fudge! Peanut butter pumpkinseed fudge, to be precise. It's been about ten years since the last time I made fudge, and I'd forgotten how easy it is and how good it tastes, and how much fun it is to lick the spoon.

Next time I think I'll try something kinky... like cinnamon-cayenne fudge.

Damn, I'm good!

BTW, I think this is the most appropriately topical userpic ever.

scarlet again

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:35:51 GMT

After having my hair a normal color for many, many months, I've finally gone back to shockingly red hair. I was hoping that looking normalesque would help land me a job, but it hasn't made a damn bit of difference.It may not have hurt, but it sure as hell hasn't helped! Besides, I realized at Pantheacon that many people fail to recognize me without my crazy hair, which has been a sort of trademark of mine since I was 14. So it's scarlet again for me.

Shocking, I say!

Thanks to those of you who have let me help you with odd jobs for a few bucks, and who have referred me to your friends for the same. I've been doing more babysitting and petsitting lately, and it helps a lot! I could always use more work though, so if you or anyone you know needs any help with these things, please get in touch with me at abracadaverous@yahoo.com!

Again, the things I can help out with are:

shopping
cooking/meal planning
laundry/light mending of clothes
tutoring, esp. English, Science, Social Studies or any of the fine or performing arts
housecleaning
babysitting
pet care (including exotics)

special people and vogon poetry

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 23:59:54 GMT

There's a guy making a fuss in the library today. He's singing, dancing around, chattering along to nobody in particular at full-volume, just generally being a pain in the ass and being totally oblivious to the fact that it's supposed to be a quiet place. When the security guard calmly and politely informed him that this was a quiet area and that there was no talking, he said, "JEEEEEZ, calm down, man! Don't have a conniption! There's no need to FREAK OUT!"

Don't you just looooove people like that?

In other news, I recently tried my hand at writing Vogon poetry. Here's the result, cut for your physical and mental health.

O jelly tree, O jelly tree,
Carburetor of my soul,
When you shiver my briny blue anus,
Why won't you lambaste my lobster?

Take your belligerent guitar then,
And instruct mackerel to wear their hats in terror.
For when abuse drives into the jacuzzi,
Who will eat my worm brittle?

Caution! Zombies ahead!!!

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 00:14:55 GMT

People are hacking into electronic road signs. Don't you wish you'd thought of that first?

singing in the new

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 00:25:18 GMT

The San Francisco Girls Chorus and San Francisco Boys Chorus will be singing at Obama's Inauguration!

Congratulations to the SFGC and SFBC! They'll have the time of their lives! And boy howdy, once you hear them sing, you'll know why they deserve that honor.

Incidentally, the article mentions several foreign leaders the SFGC has sung for, one of which was Gorbachev (and that was a collaboration with the Boys Chorus as well). I was one of the girls who got to sing for him back then. This would have been about 1990. The other kids at school decided I was lying about getting to meet him and taunted me about it for a couple of days - that is, until news footage of me shaking his hand got plastered all over every channel for a week. Haha! Jerks!

How To Fuck Up Your Kids' Chances At A Normal Life

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:35:42 GMT

Kids with Nazi-inspired names have been removed from their parents' custody. The kids' names are Adolf Hitler Campbell, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. And the bassackwards this is that their parents claim not to be racists!

But that's a debate for somebody else's blog.

My question is this: if you really wanted to make your kids life really hard, what would you name them?

View Poll: Worst Baby Name Ever

Why I'm too old to riot...

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 00:02:38 GMT

We've given angry mobs a bad name!

I don't hesitate to go to a protest against something that really needs protesting, but I think people take it too far when they go on a rampage and destroy things. The people who own those stores are just as pissed off as everybody else in Oakland, and this sort of bullshit only hurts more innocent people.

I wonder if the protest would have taken on a different tone if Oscar Grant had been shot by a cop in one of those stores?

And let me just take a second to say thank you to all the protesters who were trying to stop the riot in progress. Unfortunately, it's damn near impossible to get an escalating crowd to listen to reason.

polls of the slightly insane

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 02:01:40 GMT

View Poll: because knowledge is power

my word of the day

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:41:22 GMT

phragmosis

It's really fun to say.

lavatory habits

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:40:42 GMT

Okay, why is it that many women can't seem to figure out how to use a public toilet?

If the seat is too nasty to sit on, don't just piddle all over it and leave your urine for the next person to find! Lift the damned thing up!!! You can use your foot, or a wad of toilet paper to accomplish this. And ladies, I must point out that men figured out how to do this about ninety years ago, so quit yer bitching.

So says I.

Greetings from the Frozen North!

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 14:54:04 GMT

I'm in Portland for Xmas. People have been (no shit) skiing down the street in front of my Mom's house! When my plane landed, the windows filled up with snow before we could even get off the plane! Yesterday we took a walk through the snow, which my knee, hip and back didn't like, but my brain really did.

There's all this white shit everywhere! And it's cold too! I've never seen snow like this before!

So apparently there are different kinds of snow, and this stuff is too powdery for me to make any Calvin-style snowmen in their death throes on my mom's lawn. If I do manage it, I'll take a picture.

I hope you all have a happy day, whether or not you observe Xmas. Just enjoy the day off!

Now I'm off to see what Satan Claus brought me...

Happy Everything!

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:47:31 GMT

Dear YOU (yes, YOU!),

Good Yule, Merry Christmas, Joyful Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, and...

Wait, I'm forgetting something...

Oh yeah, HAG SAMEACH!!!

KITTEH!!!

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:51:05 GMT

A couple of days ago, I was walking by the Pet Food express, and there was a mobile adoption center operating there. I'm always irresistably drawn to those things, so I stopped by to say hi to the critters.

Someone approached me about adoption, but I told her that I was in a precarious financial situation, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to make a lifetime commitment to a cat. She then mentioned that many of these animals needed short-term foster homes while they were waiting to be adopted. I thought, Hey, I don't have much money or an idea of where I'm going to be six months from now, but I DO have a home and a large supply of love and patience here and now... Besides, I've always been better at taking care of someone else than taking care of myself.

So the good folks at Milo sent me home with a cat carrier, a cat bed, a cat litter box, plenty of cat litter, cat food, and unsurprisingly, a cat!

Jasmine is full-grown, but tiny for an adult. She's a creamy grey tabby with a couple of spots (on the top of her head and some of her toes) where she's creamy orange. In her previous home, she'd had a litter of kittens that were all given away. Then the other house cat had her own litter of kittens, and Jasmine was not happy about it. So instead of being constantly beset by some other cat's rambunctious kittens, she's now parading around my house, thoroughly enjoying being the Queen of the place!

Jas likes to hang out under the South altar, but whenever I peek under there, she comes right out to say hi. After hiding for a couple of hours right after I got her home, she forgot about her shyness and decided she liked me. That's good, I like her too! In fact, I'm totally in love. 8) She's not a lap-sitter, but she does sleep at the foot of my bed, and loooooves affection. She has the sweetest little chirping purr, and she loves to hang out on the balcony at night to see the world going by outside. I am so thrilled to have her with me!

I may not have a lot to give, but I'm glad that there is something that I can do. Even if it's only for a couple of weeks, I can give her a home to roam around in, which beats being in an overcrowded house where she doesn't get much peace, and is oodles better than staying in a cage, and I can give her tons of love.

I can never run out of love.

How about no ADULT left behind? Or is that asking too much?

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:47:32 GMT

After waiting for two and a half months for my initial doctor's appointment at Highland Hospital, I left early to get there. I'd called AC Transit's trip planner hotline (where they tell you how to get from poin t A to point B), but unfortunately, the operator didn't mention the fact that the only bus that could take me to the hospital might never show up. And this hospital is so busy that if you're late, you lose your appointment.

Now I'm waiting for someone to call me back to reschedule, and I'll be really lucky if I can see a doctor before February. I'm disappointed, frustrated, and yes, I'm angry.

Being on Medicare sucks. It's better than no insurance at all, but not by much. I don't have a job, and my rent is 80% of my Social Security income. In this age of Electronic Everything, I can send my resume as many places as I want, but potential employers see that I haven't had a job since 2005, and they delete my resume before I ever get a chance to even look a manager in the eye. The last place I dropped off my resume, I called the manager the next day to see if it was possible for me to set up an appointment for an interview, and she acted like it was the rudest, most selfish thing in the world of me to follow up by calling! She said she had "tons of resumes" to go over before she would have the chance to call anyone back, and then she hung the fuck up on me.

Unfortunately, I live in a country where you barely exist if you don't have a job or money or good insurance. Everywhere I turn, I run into another brick wall. I can't tell you how tired I am of being considered half a real person.

For the love of God, someone PLEASE hire me!!!

watching the world wake up from history

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:03:38 GMT

Yesterday, I woke up far too early (having had less than three hours of sleep the previous night) to go to the polls and cast my ballot for the Great Brown Hope. At the early hour of 7:30, there were people pouring in and out of the polling place, and I thought for the first time in longer than I can remember, "I am so proud of my country!"

While we didn't manage to bring down the state-and-voter-sanctioned bigotry of Prop. 8, we still achieved an incredible victory last night! In Oakland, there was an explosive cacophony of joy ringing out throughout the night. Car horns were blaring in brotherly dissonance, and people were screaming and hollering triumphantly in every direction. I've never seen or heard anything like it!

I have so many things to say about the election of President Obama, but I don't have anywhere near the time or energy to type them all down. So let's just say that I can't remember ever feeling such elation or so much hope for the future.

Yes, we can.

And we DID!!!